Portland’s Oversized Pigeon Problem Leaves Residents Quaking in Their Boots

Portland’s Oversized Pigeon Problem Leaves Residents Quaking in Their BootsPortland’s Oversized Pigeon Problem Leaves Residents Quaking in Their Boots The once-serene city of Portland is grappling with a colossal avian menace that has sent residents into a state of trepidation: oversized pigeons. These gargantuan birds, with wingspans that rival small aircraft, have descended upon the city in droves, casting ominous shadows over rooftops and leaving a trail of droppings in their wake. Locals have taken to carrying umbrellas for protection, fearing that a sudden bird-bombing could ruin their day. “It’s like a scene out of Hitchcock’s ‘The Birds’,” said one resident, clutching his head in mock terror. “I’m terrified every time I step outside.” The oversized pigeons are the result of an unfortunate breeding experiment gone awry. In an attempt to create a more robust breed for racing purposes, an eccentric ornithologist injected unsuspecting pigeons with genetic material from giant squids. The result was a flock of colossal birds with insatiable appetites and a newfound aggression. “They’re not just pigeons anymore,” said Dr. Emily Carter, a local veterinarian. “They’ve become apex predators, capable of taking down small dogs and even cats.” The city has been overwhelmed by the avian invasion. Park benches have become roosting grounds, and public squares have been transformed into battlefields where pigeons vie for dominance. The air is thick with the pungent odor of their droppings, which has been known to cause respiratory problems in some residents. Local authorities have attempted to address the problem with various methods, including bird deterrents, bait traps, and even the release of trained falcons. However, these efforts have proven futile against the relentless horde of oversized pigeons. As the situation worsens, residents are demanding action from city officials. Some have proposed a mass culling of the birds, while others advocate for more humane solutions, such as relocation or birth control. “We can’t live like this anymore,” said Mayor Ted Wheeler. “We need to find a permanent solution before the pigeons completely overrun the city.” Until a solution is found, Portland residents remain in a state of fear, their boots firmly planted on the ground and their umbrellas at the ready. The oversized pigeon problem has become a nightmare that haunts their daily lives, leaving them quaking in their boots with every passing pigeon.